Journals674
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Account Moving
1 min read
B/c I most definitely do not want to go through this account and delete everything that shames me lmfao
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reorganizing my favorites folders
1 min read
in a bit of a frustrated rut w/ art things again here lately, mainly niche-things and digital painting things. probably gonna go on a big splurge, hell my deviations inbox has fuckin 448 things i'm sure i can use a lot of that.
my favorites are a bit unorganized, and to be quite frank, outdated as hell. i want to sort them, have like a decent place to look at stuff i like. maybe a patterns folder, maybe a writing or rp folder, a poses folder, all that sort of thing. cleaning out a lot of shit though, i know my just the general favorites folder has functioned as a "i want to look at this and figure out how to stylize myself" more kinda folder but : @@@
we 'll see look i'm in english rn and i just wanted to type and kill time b/c this annotated bibliography is not getting done in here
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babble babble
4 min read
see it's really fun to have the same character in different situations or aus because they can be so goddamn different
like portum kaleb is fucking just HORRIBLE he's intelligent as fuck but is really petty about it and does shit to people for emotional reasons and picks off people and like just does gross eating things and has a rEALLY BAD body dysphoria .> > >?? ?? like whoa b uddy
an dd ddbesm kaleb is actually. pretty normal. wow.
he's really normal he's a 22 year old that lives in rural backwoods mountainous new york in this old trailer secluded off in the mountains and he's v happy he hunts and is an illegal redneck fuck but he's content w/ life and happy and kinda bubbly in his way. high school dropout and barely gets by but he's simple and enjoys things for what they are
a nd then a bear fucking kills him he's dead somehow i SN'T DEAD THOUGH and finds himself naked and can't remember shit in a giant fuckin crater and goes back to his home and is aTTACKED by this werebear but suddenly HE'S MEGUKA HE'S MEGUKA HE HAS A MAGICAL PRETTY CROSSBOW AND HE SHOOTS IT AND HE'S LIKE FILLED WITH THIS CRAZY ENERGY and he's so fucking CONFUSED AND TICKLED
his daddy always told him if shit went weird for him he was supposed to go to his aunt and now he's living with his aunt and uncle and 17 year old cousin and he's learning about the magical world and lots of s hit and kaleb's like MINDBLOWn !! !! ! BUT he and his cousin are being dumb boys and they're enabling the S HIT OUT OF EACH OTHER HE;S BUYING HIM ALCOHOL AND TRYING TO GET HIM TO DO BAD TEENAGE BOY THINGS AND THEY'RE TRNA GET LAID because kaleb is still fuckin kiddish as hell in this verse
but he's also like /naively/ fascinated with being in New York, NY and iT WAS REALLY CUTE TO RP WOW KALEB WAS CUTE HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN
b UT THEN HIS AUNT AND UNCLE GO AWAY and he and his cousin are like attacked by like a coven of fuckin cannibals at this club and kaleb is SHELL-SHOCKED HE'S FREAKED THE FUCK OUT because they were at a rave and people are literally hOOKED AND TAKEN TO THE CEILING and kaleb got hooked and had a lot of his shoulder torn out and bARELY HEALED and apparently HE CAN'T DO DRUGS AND HE CAN'T DRINK ANYMORE B/C HE'S FUCKIN IMMUNE SO he can't escape with his alcoholism so he just watches scooby doo for a couple days and cries like a baby aND THEN HIS COUSIN GOES OUT DONE WITH HIS FAGGY BULL SHIT AND BRINGS BACK A BUNCH OF NEPHILIM THAT JUST TRY TO KILL HIM but kaleb gets out of his dumb stupor b/c he beats the everloving sHIT OUT OF THEM and has a LOT OF FUN A LOT OF FIUN A LOT LOOT LOTTT TTTT and he's developing a bloodlust for real now and it's
laughs
also
his stats are set up for him to be a glass cannon. a glass fucking cannon. he can one-shot people though p much and the damage he does heals himself p much back to the top
but if he dies
if daemons die
they explode
so if he dies in a team rp hE'S GOING TO TAKE HIS ENTIRE TEAM WITH HIM AND I'M SO EXCITED FOR HIM TO FUCK UP A SESSION AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
characters reincarnate depending on race. daemons reincarnate in like 3 days but some others take like three months and can you I MAGINE LIKE him weldcoming people back anD THEM PUNCHING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE JUST
L; AUGHS
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quickdump on kaleb (elaborate later)
5 min read
-modern magi
-whore mother, unknown father. many siblings.
-white trash as hell
-worms manifested in him in the womb, became responsible for his rapid regeneration, disease immunity, adrenaline rushes, etc.
-intense body dysphoria as he grew older due to worm manifestation
-began to eat more and more meat as he grew older, could hear twisting and churning noises in his head, pangs in his stomach, sometimes seeing shit flicker across his eye, etc.
-developed a twisted addiction to eating raw and rotting meat. often ended up just puking up a lot of it. incredibly disgusted w/ himself. it's an anxiety-relieving thing for him
-even at an older age he still pukes up what he eats. kaleb as a result has some really messed up appetite issues
-some magpie hoarder and stealing tendencies
-attempted to kill himself twice, only for complete control of his body to be taken away from him
-"punished" for the attempt at destroying the parasites' host body by the self-inflicted ripping out of his own eye via spoon
-reached such a point where he couldn't even be around people anymore, terrified and self-conscious and an ugly, anxious mess. fled from the city (age 17)
-wandered and explored, trying to find some sort of direction for himself
-happened upon an old hunter's house, the hunter and his family slaughtered by reavers. took out the reavers inside.
-kaleb always had a liking for fighting, even sharpshooting. he'd gotten his hands on a rifle before, brought the thing out with him
-made the house his home
-converted the house to be a fucking fortress (went dump-searching, barbed wire, wooden stakes, shovels, all sorts of things)
-spent a year essentially booby trapping the shit out of the place. kaleb had a fascination with hunting and traps and all these sorts of things in his younger years, was actually quite the avid reader. put some of his old knowledge into practice, refined his shit
-it was really a project for him. he developed a sort of reputation as being a giant anti-social freak by the local minor towns, but he did come in and occasionally do business with them, trade what he could from the dumps. refused to go back to portum for quite some time.
-ended up picking up stray dogs along the way
-developed a further reputation as the following:
-an expert reaver hunter
-an explorer/hunter decent to make a trade with so long as he came to you first
-a cannibal, eating anything from minor critters to reavers to anyone who got too close too his house
-a hoarder man whose home is cluttered with salvage and pictures/posters all over his walls
-incredibly unsanitary and stinks
-rumors of occasional kidnappings, people flayed and tortured in his basement. truth is questionable
-fucking loves dogs and if he hears you killed or hurt a dog you're probably going to have a pile of shit on your doorstep
-eventually managed himself a nice old world sniper rifle in an expedition. now has warning signs within a mile if his home. constantly looks for any trespassers to either shoot or send his dogs out on. a single, designated drop spot he's set for anyone who's trying to get to him for something important, and always he stays at a distance, individual in his scope.
-now goes to portum to sell some of the excess material from his hunts, as the only thing he can do anything with is the raw meat. sells blood, bones, and other miscellaneous things. never clarifies if what he's selling is human or animal or reaver or what. very rarely is it recognizable. sanitation questionable.
-wears an eyepatch as well as a mask and an old overthrow
-has a slowly growing stockpile of weapons at his home. the guy is a one-man army in his home. i wouldn't suggest trying to get in, he's a paranoid clusterfuck.
-he's found some solace in his life now, regardless of the constant body dysphoria and self-loathing. he fucking hates people and is able to live on his own with his dogs in his own home. finds comfort in reaver killing, preferring to eat them over actual people, though necessity is necessity. he refuses to waste anything and ties meaning to everything, hence his hoarding. gets drunk or high whenever he can as a sort of escapism/coping.
-hates authority and will attempt to give exorcists shit if he knows they're in the area.
-one of his favorite things to do is really just to go out exploring. he has a map he's developing further and further, learns reaver travel patterns and tendencies, etc. may run into people if they're out lost if he's on an expedition.
-has a working radio
-point is, he takes comfort in a simple, self-made life. very much a nihilist, finds purpose in the easy, definitive black and white of "the world vs. him". attempts to maintain the barest of relations with anyone he do
-rping him, i don't want to focus on his background. the main point is who he is now. he's not going to be woobie ish or anything, as he does a lot of fucked up shit that I don't want to be somehow excused. really really creepy tendencies, a giant fucking douche, etc. not a sociopath or anything, but extremely anti-social. has little to no ability to empathize with people, very easily dehumanizes others and places little to no worth in them. assumes himself to be superior. shitty and kind of sexist. he's seriously white trash as all hell
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portum mbti dump thing real fast
5 min read
my bookmarks are a hot mess and i'm trying to figure out mbti personality basis's for characters s o i'm just going to dump them here ye
Foley - ENTJ www.personalitypage.com/ENTJ.h…
-make a note of sentimental streak
Moe - ESFJ (Unhealthy) www.personalitypage.com/ESFJ.h…
-make a note of emotionally manipulative tendencies w/o knowledge of the repercussions
Kaleb (possibly due for a rename) - ISFP www.personalitypage.com/ISFP.h…
- questionable here, due to change. I've actually had a shit ton of realizations about Kaleb today and am developing core parts of him. He has many, many personal projects in his home that he funnels himself whole-heartedly into, which is kind of the way the artist side of him manifests. He collects pictures and posters of people's faces and keeps them up in a room, has a giant story for every single one of them and works hard at creating this massive thing, integrating characters. He also has really weird superstitions though, hanging iron forks and spoons all over his house from the ceiling to keep fae out, salting his windows and doorways and everything, etc. TONS of traps all about his yard, hell even his house. His house is an ugly slobbish mess though, as he has so many projects he puts himself into, and abandoned projects, that he's become a bit of a hoarder.
ISFP's are very people-oriented, but Kaleb fucking hates people. He loves the "theoretical" idea of people though, or at least people he can make up, so I suppose I could focus on that instead rather than him being sociable. But his focus is himself, his ideas, his work. plus he's an a grade asshole and kind of a creep, but i don't think he's unhealthy personality-wise. just an unhealthy shitty person. still developing that, trying to be careful i don't cross an awkward line here
Frida - ENTP www.personalitypage.com/ENTP.h…
-when frida was being designed the entp type was specifically in mind for her. the link fails to note how entps have the highest tendency to addictions as they have little impulse control/personal drive. can become very dependent on drugs if they feel they need some sort of escape from the real world, especially in times of high anxiety. sometimes this manifests as a work addiction, most of the time this is manifests in drugs though as it starts w/ them just wanting to "appreciate" the world they live in and get a body of experiences, only it gets waaaay worse from there
Karth - INFP (Unhealthy) www.personalitypage.com/INFP.h…
-he's the reason i needed this entire journal tbh, copy+pasta'ing things to figure out
Level 7: Becomes angry and hostile, more depression seeping in. Becomes melacholy and doesn't reach out for social interaction, though this isn't always the case; They may become very arrogant, narcisstic, and may hurt other people to feel better about oneself. Major mood swings might be apparent.
An unhealthy INFP becomes rigid in their values. Their way is the right way, no exceptions. Fi+Te going bad, basically. Depressive, cynical, bitter, extremely private. Perhaps obsessed about the morbid things like death, dying, pain, etc. Starts to become more of a recluse and may engage in unhealthy behaviors feel good or to punish themselves (over/under-eating, drugs, alcohol, etc.). A certain population of the INFPs will become the "crying, melacholy, suicidal" type.
Factor in the external. Is there denial, abuse, desire? Different stages of INFP come for different reasons.
Denial cause INFPs to act a certain way for approval.
Abuse can just fuck them up.
Desire is romantic usually.
I'm normally around a six, I think, but I find it interesting that I don't seem to hit the unhealthy marks when I drop. Instead of directing anger and hostility outward I just fold up on myself, block out things around me, and tear myself to pieces. I reject myself with my entire being. And rather than contemplating suicide, I just want to stop existing. I don't know exactly what the line drawn in my mind is on that one. Just that if I shot myself it would upset people, whereas if I could just slowly fade from existence and everyone's thoughts... <<< terrified of doing this and realizing the truth of simply "not wanting to exist" and what that as such entails about him as a person, directs outward instead to cope
I'm probably an unhealthy INFP. I tend to be very withdrawn and angry at the world. Sometimes I feel that there are only a few select people who don't make me angry in someway. I can be arrogant in that I see a large proportion of people as being very foolish. I have strong anxiety issues and smoke a lot of cigarettes as a way to deal with it. I've been this way for about ten years now. I would at least like to become more physically healthy, so I have a plan to quit smoking. I'm not sure if I can ever come to terms with humanity, so I might always be a withdrawn and in someways negative person.
Foley - ENTJ www.personalitypage.com/ENTJ.h…
-make a note of sentimental streak
Moe - ESFJ (Unhealthy) www.personalitypage.com/ESFJ.h…
-make a note of emotionally manipulative tendencies w/o knowledge of the repercussions
Kaleb (possibly due for a rename) - ISFP www.personalitypage.com/ISFP.h…
- questionable here, due to change. I've actually had a shit ton of realizations about Kaleb today and am developing core parts of him. He has many, many personal projects in his home that he funnels himself whole-heartedly into, which is kind of the way the artist side of him manifests. He collects pictures and posters of people's faces and keeps them up in a room, has a giant story for every single one of them and works hard at creating this massive thing, integrating characters. He also has really weird superstitions though, hanging iron forks and spoons all over his house from the ceiling to keep fae out, salting his windows and doorways and everything, etc. TONS of traps all about his yard, hell even his house. His house is an ugly slobbish mess though, as he has so many projects he puts himself into, and abandoned projects, that he's become a bit of a hoarder.
ISFP's are very people-oriented, but Kaleb fucking hates people. He loves the "theoretical" idea of people though, or at least people he can make up, so I suppose I could focus on that instead rather than him being sociable. But his focus is himself, his ideas, his work. plus he's an a grade asshole and kind of a creep, but i don't think he's unhealthy personality-wise. just an unhealthy shitty person. still developing that, trying to be careful i don't cross an awkward line here
Frida - ENTP www.personalitypage.com/ENTP.h…
-when frida was being designed the entp type was specifically in mind for her. the link fails to note how entps have the highest tendency to addictions as they have little impulse control/personal drive. can become very dependent on drugs if they feel they need some sort of escape from the real world, especially in times of high anxiety. sometimes this manifests as a work addiction, most of the time this is manifests in drugs though as it starts w/ them just wanting to "appreciate" the world they live in and get a body of experiences, only it gets waaaay worse from there
Karth - INFP (Unhealthy) www.personalitypage.com/INFP.h…
-he's the reason i needed this entire journal tbh, copy+pasta'ing things to figure out
Level 7: Becomes angry and hostile, more depression seeping in. Becomes melacholy and doesn't reach out for social interaction, though this isn't always the case; They may become very arrogant, narcisstic, and may hurt other people to feel better about oneself. Major mood swings might be apparent.
An unhealthy INFP becomes rigid in their values. Their way is the right way, no exceptions. Fi+Te going bad, basically. Depressive, cynical, bitter, extremely private. Perhaps obsessed about the morbid things like death, dying, pain, etc. Starts to become more of a recluse and may engage in unhealthy behaviors feel good or to punish themselves (over/under-eating, drugs, alcohol, etc.). A certain population of the INFPs will become the "crying, melacholy, suicidal" type.
Factor in the external. Is there denial, abuse, desire? Different stages of INFP come for different reasons.
Denial cause INFPs to act a certain way for approval.
Abuse can just fuck them up.
Desire is romantic usually.
I'm normally around a six, I think, but I find it interesting that I don't seem to hit the unhealthy marks when I drop. Instead of directing anger and hostility outward I just fold up on myself, block out things around me, and tear myself to pieces. I reject myself with my entire being. And rather than contemplating suicide, I just want to stop existing. I don't know exactly what the line drawn in my mind is on that one. Just that if I shot myself it would upset people, whereas if I could just slowly fade from existence and everyone's thoughts... <<< terrified of doing this and realizing the truth of simply "not wanting to exist" and what that as such entails about him as a person, directs outward instead to cope
I'm probably an unhealthy INFP. I tend to be very withdrawn and angry at the world. Sometimes I feel that there are only a few select people who don't make me angry in someway. I can be arrogant in that I see a large proportion of people as being very foolish. I have strong anxiety issues and smoke a lot of cigarettes as a way to deal with it. I've been this way for about ten years now. I would at least like to become more physically healthy, so I have a plan to quit smoking. I'm not sure if I can ever come to terms with humanity, so I might always be a withdrawn and in someways negative person.
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